In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think my vagina is haunted
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
