Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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