I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
