I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
