Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
