hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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