Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
