Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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