Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
