Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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