i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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