Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
