I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
