im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
