You don't have asthma, your pregnant
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
