The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize