I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
