He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize