Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
NoShamevember. You game?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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