She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
