god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
