hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
