I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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