Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Alive.
So much puke
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
