You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
