my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
