In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
