if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
