This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
