Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
