In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize