And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
