You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
