I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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