She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
