Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize