Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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