I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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