now i know why i became what i already was.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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