watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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