My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I think my moral compass just broke
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