Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
