I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
