My sheets look like a crime scene.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
