I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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