Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize