Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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