woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Two words: nipple clamps
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