yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
