How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
