New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
