you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
