Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
