38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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