just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
