he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
