It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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