i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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