omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
