the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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