Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
