Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
