girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
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