Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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