Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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