i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
