i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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